Reclaiming your Sexual Essence
David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man is often seen as a guide for men seeking to deepen their understanding of relationships and purpose. Yet, I am discovering that its wisdom holds powerful lessons for women too.
As I’ve been reading this book to my 15-year-old son (something he asked me to do when he saw me looking through it one day), I’ve taken great learnings from it myself. It is written for men (the kind of man I hope my son grows up to be), but it is incredible how much Deida in fact seems to know women more than many women know themselves. He gets to the core of what it is to be a woman and honours us in our wholeness.
My wish is that every woman can come home to her truth and see herself as Deida sees us, and as he teaches ‘the Superior Man’ to see us. This process of coming home begins with rediscovering the connection between our body, our desires, and our power.
What Is Sexual Essence?
Your sexual essence is the energy that flows through you - the vitality, creativity, and authenticity that make you you. For women, this essence is often tied to the feminine: the flow, receptivity, and radiance deeply rooted in our nature.
Deida teaches that sexual essence isn’t limited to sexuality in the physical sense; it is the energetic blueprint that shapes how you show up in the world. Feminine essence, in particular, thrives on love, connection, and freedom, while masculine essence thrives on purpose and direction.
But in a world that encourages us to disconnect from our bodies, compete with masculine energy, or suppress our desires, many women lose touch with this part of themselves.
Reclaiming your sexual essence is not about conforming to societal ideals or meeting anyone else’s expectations. It’s about coming home to yourself: honouring your unique energy and embracing it fully.
The Feminine as a Force of Life
Deida describes the feminine as the energy of life itself: flowing, creative, intuitive, and deeply connected to the world around it. This is where a woman’s power lies, not in trying to match the masculine’s stillness and structure but in embodying the richness of her own essence.
The feminine is drawn to love, beauty, and connection. When you suppress these impulses, you may feel numb, disconnected, or overly rigid. Deida suggests that the feminine feels most alive when she is expressing herself fully, whether through emotions, creativity, or sensuality.
Reclaiming your sexual essence begins by asking:
Where have you been suppressing your energy or passion?
Are you allowing yourself to live in flow, or are you stuck in control and rigidity?
How can you reconnect with your natural vibrancy and intuition?
When you reclaim this essence, it transforms not only your relationships but also the way you show up in the world.
Desire as Your Guiding Star
Desire is a key theme in The Way of the Superior Man. For women, reclaiming sexual essence often begins with reconnecting to desire—not just physical desire, but the yearning for a life that feels expansive, joyful, and true.
Deida teaches that desire, when sourced from your deepest truth, is not selfish or indulgent; it is sacred. Feminine desire, in particular, is a powerful force for transformation, inspiring not just the self but others as well.
Reclaiming desire means asking yourself:
What do I truly want in my relationships?
Where have I been silencing my inner voice?
What would it look like to fully honour my needs and passions?
Desire is your compass. It points you toward what is real, nourishing, and alive within you.
Relationships and Polarity: Rediscovering Passion
Deida’s teachings often focus on polarity: the dynamic interplay of masculine and feminine energies in relationships. For women, reclaiming sexual essence means stepping fully into the feminine, allowing yourself to radiate softness, creativity, and receptivity.
Feminine energy invites masculine energy to respond. If you are in your masculine (focused, driven, and closed off) the polarity diminishes, and relationships can feel stagnant. By softening into your essence (through vulnerability, expression, and play) you naturally restore balance.
Ask yourself:
Are you allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable in relationships, or are you guarded?
Are you embracing your essence, or are you trying to control every outcome?
How does it feel when you lean into your feminine energy?
The beauty of this process is that it doesn’t require anyone else to change. When you reconnect with your essence, the dynamics around you naturally shift.
Practices to Reclaim Your Sexual Essence
Reclaiming your essence isn’t just about relationships; it’s about how you live and move through the world. It’s about reconnecting with the pleasure of being alive.
Here are five actionable practices to help you begin:
Connect With Your Body: Spend time daily connecting to your body’s sensations. Dance, breathe deeply, or simply place a hand on your heart and feel the rhythm of your life force.
Embody Emotional Freedom: Instead of suppressing your emotions, let them flow. Cry, laugh, or express joy fully, knowing that your feelings are part of your aliveness.
Create Rituals of Pleasure: Honour your feminine essence by creating small rituals that bring you joy, whether it’s a luxurious bath, a moment in nature, or savouring a meal without distraction.
Shift From Doing to Being: Take time to slow down and simply be. This could be a moment of meditation, journaling, or quietly watching the world around you.
Practice Receiving: Feminine energy thrives in receptivity. Let others help or support you. Allow yourself to receive compliments, love, and kindness without deflecting.
Taking a Stand for Your Essence
Reclaiming your sexual essence is a radical act in a world that often asks women to shrink, conform, or disconnect. It’s about reclaiming your connection to what makes you feel most alive and honouring the unique rhythm and radiance that is yours alone.
This isn’t about striving to be someone else’s version of "enough." It’s about rediscovering what feels whole, real, and true to you. When you prioritise this connection, you allow joy, vitality, and a sense of freedom to naturally flow back into your life.
Reclaiming your essence is a journey - a process of remembering who you were before you were told who to be. It begins with a single step: choosing to listen to the voice within that says, “This matters.”
Are you ready to take that stand?